i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
