saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
