I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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