we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
