I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize