my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
