so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
