Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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