batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
