Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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