Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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