Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
