Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
