Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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