sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
