I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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