Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
