She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
