Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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