Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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