so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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