Christians are straight up FREAKS
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
