just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
