remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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