JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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