90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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