I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize