how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
