and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
