I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
