just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
