ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize