he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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