thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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