No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
