Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
