so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
