My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
