if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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