I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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