I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
