I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
