I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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