Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
