don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
