oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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