We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
