I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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