Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
