my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is wine microwaveable?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
