They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
