masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
