she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
