textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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