it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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