he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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