i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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