my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
