I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
