I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
