I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
