We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize