Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
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