I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
