i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
