Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
