dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
