every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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