Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
