She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
