My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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