it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
only if we run a train.
done.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
