just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
