apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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