If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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