They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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