Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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