the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
