i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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