ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
smell my finger.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
