New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
