We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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