im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
