Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
