You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
