How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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