I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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