Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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