her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
