She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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