I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
