My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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