Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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