Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
