my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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