I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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