Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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