I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
